i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize