woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
