I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you would pick up someone in the library
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
