I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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