i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
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What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
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Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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