I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
