what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
