Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
