I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
