On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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