Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
