Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
