toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
