just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
