I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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