I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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