i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
