I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
