i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
