so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
