You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
