He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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