i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
