I need help removing her.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
