You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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