Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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