Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The best revenge is premature balding
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
