I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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