I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
