Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
