I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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