all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
