the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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