Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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