The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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