Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Pooping to opera.
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