We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
