Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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