your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
where are you?
Hypothermia
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
His nipple licking is glorious
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