I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
