It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
