True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
