Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
