Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
