you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
