Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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