rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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