White coat. Heels.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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