I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
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You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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