At least make sure they are 18
Why
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
