remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
