Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
