A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
