I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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