Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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