i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
sarcasm needs its own font
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
