Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
