I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This baby is an asshole
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
