I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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