Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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