So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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