I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
