No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
