I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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