Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
