I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize