Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
