I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
