Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
