last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
