i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
