shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
