Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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