Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
