I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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