I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
