she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Green mimosas i think yes
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
