We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
