Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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