He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
