you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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