yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize