He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize