i jhust puked up my retainher.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
