Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
