I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
