i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
