how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
